giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
