you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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