member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
