I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
