Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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