so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
