Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
