Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
