When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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