Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
