Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
