I murdered the dance floor call the cops
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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