Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Pooping to opera.
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