We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
