did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
