i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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