is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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