youre lurking in front of me
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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