Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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