Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
