i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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