just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
