Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
