Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
