his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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