guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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