yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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