After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
