I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
