She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Houston, we have a blender
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
