dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
