I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
