it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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