I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
