If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
