vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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