my room smells like sperm. sweet.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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