after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
