she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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