Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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