tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
