If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
a search helicopter?!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So vagazzling was a success
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
