I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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