Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So much rum. So many feels.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
