you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
