***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
