I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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