You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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