She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
