I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
