Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
