Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
